Photo Credit: http://mrs-coach.tumblr.com/
Someone wiser than me (AKA Buffy Summers) once said that “The hardest thing in this life is to live in it”
At the beginning of Nashville second season, the queen of country music, Rayna Jaymes, and her troubled ex/current/future love-of-her-life guitarist Deacon Clayborne found out just how hard it is to live.
Climbing out from a pit is not easy for anyone, but unlike Deacon, that dug himself an even bigger hole before climbing out, Rayna took a very different approach to the situation. She prefered to look ahead, move forward and leave as much as she can from the past behind her.
Both approaches come with a price. At first, Deacon’s “joyful and vital” approach led him, to depression, self-hatred, guilt and all the things that keeps a person from engaging life. That’s because no one can live fully exposed and vulnerable ALL the time. It’s like living in a body without skin – impossible.
That’s also why even Deacon slowly realized that being a martyr can get him that far and that if he wants to live he need to wear at least a small armour while stepping back into the world.
Sadly, his guitar was not and option but thankfully, so were the numb-the-pain alcohol and the yearning-for-Rayna drug. Instead, he created his own “armour” made of career ambition, father duties, and, hmm, yes, a relationship with the boring lawyer.
Rayna is a completely different story. She didn’t just wear a small armour to protect herself. No, she went for the biggest and strongest one, added a shield and a mighty sword and with all of them joined together she charged through life.
When you take this approach to the extreme the price for it is the loss of a chance to fully heal, since by closing the door on pain and sadness you also close the door on happiness. That’s because both derive from the same place.
Sadly that’s what happens to Rayna, the “all or nothing” woman. It’s especially tragic in her case since we are talking here about the woman who prefers being “naked” in her relationships and appreciate authenticity above anything else.
Until she’ll be ready to open that place in her heart again, Rayna channels all of her inner needs for ‘truth’ and ‘authenticity’ to her career and by doing so takes even bigger risks than usual.
As for her romantic life, it’s the Teddy syndrome all over again, only this time it’s with a Country music mega star (
will not mention his name cause he’s a self-centered ass and I can’t stand him ). She gets involved with the “right” choice on paper, the one who will support her current needs as a business women and a mother, but her heart…it’s in a far away closed box.
For the viewers this behavior makes Rayna less accessible than Deacon and it doesn’t give us too many “award-winning” over the top moments of meltdowns or “fighting-to-keep-the-tears-while-all-I-want-to-do-is-die.
But truth is that more often than not, this is life for most adults in similar situations – especially people with kids and most especially women. We just deal and let time take its course. It doesn’t mean we don’t think about it or don’t grieve but we rarely allow it to consume and swallow us whole. The reason? We already know better and even when we don’t, we simply don’t have the luxury to do so.
Rayna Jaymes is no different from the rest of us (beside the obvious), and like us she also doesn’t have the luxury to enter fetal position and dwell in self-pity every time something doesn’t go her way.
Rayna has two daughters who almost lost her that depend on her and need her (even more so now that she’s divorced); She has a career she wants to keep and take to the next level after working her entire life to build it; she also has a young artist who needs her as her mentor and a whole team that she support.
Moreover, Rayna came to a point in her life where she really knows what that means when people say that life’s too short.So getting completely invested in her heartbreak, like we tend to do in our teens and our 20s is not a valid option anymore.
When you dust yourself up the first time even though your heart is aching that you can’t breathe, it’s hell. It also feels like an act. But after a few times this behavior starts to feel normal and not completely foreign, especially if like Rayna you are going through the SAME familiar pain for the 100 time. Then you lose patience for anything that’s holding you back and try to get back on the saddle as fast as you can.
Practicing and mastering this approach towards life also ,usually, gives you an unexpected gift in the form of a healthy perspective on life and a sense of humor to get through it. That way, instead of crying to the sky WHYYYYYY???? you can look at yourself from the side, laugh at how miserable (and even pathetic) you are and sum it all up like Rayna as ‘a really crappy month’.
After all, The best songs Do come from broken hearts. It’s just that someone must be brave enough, and strong enough to step out into the world, live and write them.